My story in my own words:
I have had depression and anxiety many times over the years including long bouts of agoraphobia. I am currently on a waiting list to have my agoraphobia treated.
However for this I want to concentrate on my CPTSD that was caused by complications following an operation for cancer of the eosophogus. The operation involves collapsing a lung and moving the stomach up into the chest.
After the first couple of days following my operation, I was having terrible difficulty breathing andI had some fluid on my lungs. They tried all sorts of methods to get rid of it which included “the Bird” which basically you rammed down your throat to get the fluid for you, I was desperate so tried anything. I was in great distress and breathing was hard work and so painful and exhausting that at times I wanted to give up and stop, as that wouldve been easier than the awful stress of continuing. My breathing wasnt helped, by the fact that I had a continuous panic attack for 4 weeks whilst in ICU due to being unable to breathe. After a few days the medics realised something was probably up and sent me for a scan – when they gave me fluid to drink and laid me flat for the scan my oxygen levels plummeted and I passed out and was given emergency pure oxygen.
From the scan it emerged that I had a leak from the operation – so I was dealing with pneumonia, collapsed lungs and fluid squashing my lungs in my chest cavity! No wonder I was having problems! An operation was arranged for me to have a tracheotomy and be put on a ventilator. Whilst on the ventilator I continued to have panic attacks.
I didnt know it, but I basically had CPTSD for 8 years following the operation and thought my symptoms were down to post cancer “New You” that people talk about
After 8 years and talking to a friend she suggested I should see someone. (thank you Sally youre a star :)) So I had CBT level 3 with an experienced counsellor.
The first time I knew I was getting better was when I laughed out loud at something on the telly. And then, mixed blessings, but Im chuffed to have it back. My inner dialogue returned, which Ide been missing for 8 years. Id been stuck in the “freeze” stage of PTSD, people are aware of the fight or flight, but freeze less so. I know have an over active inner dialogue and laugh regularly at various things! The joy is back in my life again!
