Mental Health Collection

Project doing portraits of people who have faced and dealt with or are dealing with mental health issues, with their stories in their own words

Anna Carlotta

Anna’s story in her own words – As a child, I was shy and withdrawn, and was bullied at school by teachers and children. One teacher smacked me in front of the class as I could not recall what she said about Poppy Day. A child also stamped on my national health glasses. In the cotswolds, I was teased at school because my mum didn’t have stair carpets and was called “Cat’s Eyes”. Also, my sister and I were both bullied as our dad was deputy head of the comprehensive school, and one guy threatened me because my dad had caned him for punishment. At 15, we moved house and changed schools. I was very unhappy, went off the rails and didn’t brush my hair. Some girls from another form locked me in a cupboard. I also had to see an Educational Psychologist. In 1975/76, developed agoraphobia, aged 18, while attending Bootle Tech and had to leave. I fought the terrifying feelings and continued to go out. In 1979, suffered obsessive thoughts about a haunted house, with severe stomach aches and anxiety. Spent the winter in bed for 2 months. In 1985, developed tight chest symptoms, stomach issues and more obsessive thoughts as if I was possessed and became irritable. At the end of 1986, discovered art and used it as therapy. From 1993 -95, suffered from severe depression, after a broken relationship, where I took a wrong path. Felt dark and bleak and stayed in bed frequently. In 1997, Kate and I moved to Devon, but was plagued with more obsessive thoughts which effected my neck and throat that tightened up so much that I often developed migraines. Panic attacks followed and got so bad, I couldn’t sit down or write properly and almost left the Fine Art course I started in 1999 , but hung on and got my degree in Fine Art in 2004. Also saw a psychiatric nurse. In 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was deeply shocked and traumatized. Went through surgery, radiotherapy and anti-hormone drugs. This made my anxiety increase, causing more hyperventilation and stomach problems. In 2022, I was diagnosed with autism and adhd which came as a relief.

Price $565

Blair Maule

Blair’s story in his own words of how he feels about his mental health and how he deals with it.

Battling depression and social anxiety is a hard topic to talk about, especially as a man, and together with the stigmas that are attached in society, it makes it even harder to recognise that you have a problem. However, recognising that you are suffering is the first step to self healing and then having the courage to ask for help is just as important.

I became aware that I had issues, when my life/work balance started to have an impact on my mood and health. I was becoming withdrawn, quiet and my outwardly spoken/happy persona started to ebb and wain. I had been battling with chest and lung issues off and on for 8 years, since contracting pneumonia which lead to a right full and left partial lung collapse. My mother was battling cancer for the second time in 10 years and work started to become mundane and stressful with the increased work load, and I was losing interest and my attention would often be else where with constantly worrying about myself and my family.

To try and cope and knowing that art is wonderful therapy, I decided it was a great time to apply to do my MA in Fine Art and concentrate on sculpture. In October 2022 I got accepted at the OCA, the course leaders and cohort have been so supportive and it has given me the freedom to express myself through my work and add focus to my art practice. I am researching the relationships between gluttony and capitalism and how as a society, we draw comparisons with our own human physical form and our need to continually feed our desires, within the current political context of the worlds economy. Linking everything through concrete sculptural cake, sculptural human form and life drawings.

My mother’s cancer went into submission for the second time in early 2022, though she came out of hospital with complications. Work became evermore stressful and I began to get chest pains (though I put this down to indigestion, rather than any major issue) by November 2022 with my chest becoming worse and looking like yet another chest infection, together with feeling overwhelmed and constantly tired, I plucked up the courage to go to my doctors. While discussing my effects, symptoms and feelings I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I have been taking anti depressants since November and been off work since then too, I have just recently started cognitive behavioral therapy as dealing and coping at times has been really tough. My art has helped me stay focused and has inspired me to take risks and push boundaries, producing a series of self nude studies and working with life models as part of my research into gluttony. This has been especially important as my mother passed away a few weeks ago at the end of January 2023.

Price $753

Wendy MacKenzie

Trigger warning for rape and suicide

Wendy’s Story in her words – My name is Wendy Mackenzie and I will be 70 years old in July. I’ve suffered from Clinical Depression since I was about 9 years old and my parents’ marriage began to disintegrate. I was diagnosed with PTSD and a mild form of Bipolar Disorder in my 50s.

When I was 6 months old I was diagnosed with Atopic Eczema and I suffered from this throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. I was bullied about my skin condition all through school. Ignorant parents told their children not to play with me in case what I had was contagious and I was thrown out of the local swimming pool because of the rash on my skin. I made my first suicide attempt when I was 11 – bought a large bottle of aspirin and took the lot. They sent me to a “Child Psychiatrist” who did nothing for me at all.

Throughout my early life I appeared confident & outgoing – a smokescreen to cover my depression. The bullying theme continued into my working life and I began self-harming in my late teens. I drifted from job to job and I also drifted from one unsuitable relationship to another. Then when they ended badly, as they always did, I became steadily more suicidal. I held it together until I was in my late thirties when my then husband consistently failed to pay the mortgage on our house and we received an eviction notice. We were in Scotland by then so I sent him back to England and started divorce proceedings. I had just found somewhere to rent when I lost my job and had a breakdown, cutting my wrists.

I was eventually able to keep the rented house but it turned put to be a bad decision, as the married owner of the property assumed that I would sleep with him as part of the deal. He raped me – not violently but because we both knew that my continued tenancy depended on me allowing him to use me whenever he felt like it.

Within 2 years I married again and escaped. This was my 3rd and current marriage. It had a very rocky start and is still very challenging at times. After my fourth suicide attempt (aged 52) I managed to get help and therapy not to mention a clear diagnosis. After years of counselling I am now relatively stable and I understand my conditions well enough to live with them. Onward & upward!

Price $753

Barbara Hulme

I have had depression and anxiety many times over the years including long bouts of agoraphobia. I am currently on a waiting list to have my agoraphobia treated.

However for this I want to concentrate on my CPTSD that was caused by complications following an operation for cancer of the eosophogus. The operation involves collapsing a lung and moving the stomach up into the chest.

After the first couple of days following my operation, I was having terrible difficulty breathing andI had some fluid on my lungs. They tried all sorts of methods to get rid of it which included “the Bird” which basically you rammed down your throat to get the fluid for you, I was desperate so tried anything. I was in great distress and breathing was hard work and so painful and exhausting that at times I wanted to give up and stop, as that wouldve been easier than the awful stress of continuing. My breathing wasnt helped, by the fact that I had a continuous panic attack for 4 weeks whilst in ICU due to being unable to breathe. After a few days the medics realised something was probably up and sent me for a scan – when they gave me fluid to drink and laid me flat for the scan my oxygen levels plummeted and I passed out and was given emergency pure oxygen.

From the scan it emerged that I had a leak from the operation – so I was dealing with pneumonia, collapsed lungs and fluid squashing my lungs in my chest cavity! No wonder I was having problems! An operation was arranged for me to have a tracheotomy and be put on a ventilator. Whilst on the ventilator I continued to have panic attacks.

I didnt know it, but I basically had CPTSD for 8 years following the operation and thought my symptoms were down to post cancer “New You” that people talk about

After 8 years and talking to a friend she suggested I should see someone. (thank you Sally youre a star :)) So I had CBT level 3 with an experienced counsellor.

The first time I knew I was getting better was when I laughed out loud at something on the telly. And then, mixed blessings, but Im chuffed to have it back. My inner dialogue returned, which Ide been missing for 8 years. Id been stuck in the “freeze” stage of PTSD, people are aware of the fight or flight, but freeze less so. I know have an over active inner dialogue and laugh regularly at various things! The joy is back in my life again!

Price $526

Mike Poe

Trigger Warning for murder

Wishing Mike all the best with his fight for justice for his brother and his finishing his documentary

Mike’s Story in his own words – My name is Mike Poe, my adopted autistic brother TC Edwards was murdered in 2014, and I’ve suffered from PTSD ever since. I am struggling with my mental health and depression about what used to be my passion that became my mission while working on a documentary with my (adopted) brother, TC Edwards, about our lives together for over twenty years. TC, is an incredible artist and he’s a heavy metal frontman for the band TC and The Eddies.

TC is also mentally disabled and diagnosed on the autistic spectrum, and depending on the present company, medicine, and mood, TC can default to non-verbal and be withdrawn. Around friends he’s cool as hell, even conversational, and when he performs, TC screams his huge heart out. TC’s is a badass, but he’s also a total sweetheart, he loves lift you off the ground hugs, holding your elbows, petting all your kittens, and especially magically guessing your junior high school hairstyle, fashions, and shoe size. It truly was the time of our lives. We are absolutely devastated and heartbroken that we regrettably have to tell you that our beloved TC was the victim of homicide in December of 2014 and our entire community just hasn’t been the same since.

TC’s killer or “suspected” killer isn’t convicted of executing TC while he as on his knees, but he is in prison for shooting two other people after he shot TC. I actually became a Federal Witness, after pushing for justice and signing an affidavit as a previous victim with the ATF, and with help from the Marshall’s office, and LRPD, we put him behind bars, and he was sentenced to nine years for illegal guns, as he was pulled away by bailiffs cursing my name.

This current struggle to finish this documentary on time to meet deadlines and keep a killer off the street is maddening and a daily reminder that I lost TC when I look at the walls around me in my studio that are covered with artwork of TC, which comfort me at times, but also has become my own prison cell. I can’t move on with any real life, mentally or otherwise until this film is released, the courts pay attention, and justice is served, and his killer remains behind bars.

Price $565

Carolina Berte 2023

here is my painting of my most recent collaborator Carolina Berte @carolinaberte for my Mental health series and thank you very kindly to Carolina for the fabulous collaboration

Here is Carolina’s story in her own words to accompany her portrait:

I have always thought that people may have a pre disposition to mental illnesses and some experiencies can trigger real hurtful disorders.

I’m a 47 seven years old artist and art teacher. When I was nine years old my family moved to another city. At the school I suffered a lot of teasing and verbal aggression from my new classmates . Perhaps that was the reason for knowing depressive feelings for the first time.

Since then, depression was a constant visit during decades. Adults were too busy and, in those times ,they dind ́t pay attention to children ́s mental health. You just needed to resist.

Suffering sexual abuse from fifteen to seventeen made things worse.

Depression, low self esteem, body insecurities, a deep feeling of loneliness…and now, some thing that (I knew later) they call Generalized

Anxiety disorder and Social Anxiety . Constant nervousness, guilt , insomnia

and fear. “A young lady with a complex personality ”, they say.

At the age of 25 I decided to get married from a vulnerable position,

so I lived five years of a bad marriage. In a bad marriage there can be physical sexual ,economic and psychological violence . And I had a very bad marriage.

Looking for happiness, I made the decision to get out of that r elationship and raise my baby daughther by myself.

Economic stress and responsabilities made worse my menthal issues .

Iwas highly efficient in my job . I was strong even though I was devastated inside. I was capable to speak in front of hundreds of people, but I suffered terrible anxiety in simple social situations.

In the path I learned that we don ́t have to accept menthal Illness as “ My personality”. We must look for help. Being in a gruoup therapy with others abused women was good for me, my friends and several psychologists helped me to be strong and to heal wounds .

Being with my family, art, tai chi practice, nature, diverse spiritual theraphys also helped.

And, in my case, taking a psychiatric medical treatment was a good decision. There are prejudices and we stigmatize psychiatry , it’s embarrassing to say

” I take pills ” and we hate the pharmaceutical industry . But I can share that

,for me , was a huge help for having the good mental health I currently have.

Every person has a story, their paths and fights. There are no victims, only people finding their own way to heal. Let’s not judge, let’s just be kind.

Watercolour on Watercolour Paper 22.9 x 30.5 cm

Price £454 ($565 US) plus package and postage

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Image Description: watercolour portrait of Dark haired young attractive woman with slightly greying hair at the temples and crown, hair is long. Her arms are bent at the elbow so her hands are at face height with fingers slightly splayed, she is wearing a grey sweatshirt with a pale blue cat on it with green eyes, she has a lovely engaging smile and dark eyes, the background is blue with a darker blue shadow to the left, On the right of her sweatshirt is a shadow from her left hand which goes up onto her neck, she is wearing 2 necklaces, one short one round her neck which is made of beads and a longer small heart pendant.

Steven Moore 2023

Steven’s story in his own words

Social anxiety is my disability. I know that sounds petty in the scheme of things, but it can be very disabling at times. Sometimes making you hide from the world and unable to perform your daily duties.

I used to get very anxious around people that I didn’t know, still do at times. It’s one of the reasons I became a nude model. I have no choice but to face my fears and drop my guard and present myself completely when I’m modeling nude for artists and groups.

Believe it or not, it’s actually helped me a lot with my anxiety. I’ve come a long way since my very first modeling gig and I continue to progress and come out of my shell with every session that I do.

Materials – watercolour on watercolour paper (22.9 x 30.5 cm) unframed

Price – £454 ($565US) plus package and postage

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Image description. Bald headed muscular man, face snarling with anger and frustration, clawing at, and fighting his way out of a chicken wire entrapment that ensnares him. He is viewed from above – the image is very visceral

Harvey Duke 2023 Mental Health Series

Thank you for the fabulous collaboration

Here is Harvey’s story in his own words: A few years ago, I felt so broken I couldn’t see how I could ever be put back together again. A decade of trying to help people in crisis shattered my mental health. I developed a twitch, I couldn’t sleep, and worst of all I felt pointless. Before, I had been confident, and an active fighter for many good causes.

From childhood, I hated injustice and I fought against it. As an anti-fascist, I was put on a hit list by Nazis. I marched against wars, job losses, racism. And, when the government targeted disabled and unemployed people with benefit cuts, I challenged Iain Duncan Smith to debate his policies. He ran away.

Then, I became a Welfare Rights Officer. In many ways, it was my ideal job. I helped to appeal hundreds of awful benefit decisions. I fought, like all my colleagues, on a front line where the bullets were unfair laws. Food bank queues grew longer and the people we tried hard to protect became inevitably depressed. Suicides increased.

I hate to see people suffer. When we fought in tribunals and won, it was great – some suffering was brought to an end. But when we lost, and I saw despair in the eyes of some poor soul, I blamed myself. And, when more and more people ended their lives because they had enough of being persecuted by an uncaring system, I began to feel we were losing a war.

With the help of my wonderful family and a cat called Nergal, I slowly climbed out of my shell-shocked state. I began to notice the world again. The beauty of Fife coastal walks, holding a purring cat, photographing trees and flowers. I was even able to return to a caring role, as a Support Worker.

I see myself as a survivor from the same kind of mental health struggles which have been the storms of millions of lives. I wrote about that, in a poem called ‘see us’:

Far out at sea

Lost now and then

Amongst heavy, angry waves

A thousand

Tiny white sails

Herald a thousand

Lost souls

Trying to come home safely.

When no one watches

And no one shares

The same cold rain,

First one and then another white blur

Goes.

But when the crowds,

Their eyes as bright as candles,

Line the shore –

One by one

The lost come home.

Harvey Duke

Watercolour and black waterproof marker on watercolour paper (25 x 25 cm) unframed

Price £425 ($526 US) plus package and postage

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ID: Grey haired man with twinkly kind eyes and a kind face smiling, he is wearing a brown check shirt and a tortoiseshell cat is nestling on his chest and his hands are resting gently on the cat. He is sitting back into a brown leather like armchair and behind him can be viewed a stained glass window, featuring 2 Mackintosh roses in purple shades. The outside edges of the stained glass window features small squares of shades of green and clear glass.

Self Portrait – for submission to competition entitled “Barriers”

Title: Agoraphobia

Description: Agoraphobia, the barrier of the front door to keep the rest of the world and its horrors out, yet also desperate to take part and aware you are missing out. I made the piece as I have agoraphobia so the piece is very personal too me. I had to go out to a local shop to buy the newspapers for the collage, which was a massive step for me. And also find a piece of glass heavy enough to give the impression of me being pressed up against it and get that effect. The door is both a barrier to keep out the world for safety and also a prison that keeps you locked in.

Materials: Watercolour and Newspaper collage, (30.5 x 40.6 cm)

Currently NFS

Kelly Thomas – Mental Health Series 2023

Kell Lou – thank you for fabulous collaboration my lovely xxx

TRIGGER WARNING For baby loss and Traumatic birth.

Here is Kelly’s story in her own words – Hello, My name is Kelly and I am a mother who has suffered a baby loss. In 2016 I was full term with my darling baby girl Violet. Excited to have our 2nd child, we went into hospital to be induced. We knew she was going to be a big baby, so prior to this I’d asked for a C section for safety, which hospital replied with no because I had birthed my 1st child Daisy without any problems, Daisy was only a 7lb baby.

On the day of the induction our spirits were high ready to meet our little girl. Laughing with a little tub of ice-cream on my belly as she kicked inside making it move! The labour was absolutely fine, at one point I’d closed my eyes and believe it or not, I saw my Mum briefly in a vision, who passed in 2007, Carl and the midwife looked at me like I was crazy! But I saw what I saw. She came for Violet that day I’m sure.

Violet’s head had crowned and we were ready to finally meet our precious girl, but panic starts as she got stuck in a shoulder dystocia, her shoulder was stuck under my pelvis and they couldn’t get her out, the crash team bust in and eventually freed Viole, but when she came out she wasn’t breathing, her cord had been wrapped so tightly round her neck during the birth struggle, it had cut off her oxygen supply.

They worked on trying to bring her back for 30 minutes but had to call it. All our dreams and hopes for our little girl ended right there in that delivery room.

We were taken to another room where I just held my sleeping baby, her eyes never opened, she looked so peaceful and as if she would open them at any second and everything would be ok again. But it never was.

To go home with a packet of forget me nots and an empty car seat was life’s cruel trick.

I have suffered immensely ever since, life cannot be the same when you lose a child, there are no words to describe it. I miss her so much, and at all stages where she should be, all her firsts, in very picture I take of my other beautiful girls, she should be right there in the middle. Instead we love her from above.

Materials – Watercolour, gold ink and fine liner (22.9 x 30.5 cm) (9 x 12 inches)

Price – £481 ($615US) plus package and postage

Prints available for £30 ($38US) Plus £10 for hand painted gold ink, plus package and postage

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Elke Pilz, Mental Health Series 2023

Thank you very kindly Elke Pilz for the fabulous collaboration

Here is Elke’s story in her own words

Trigger Warning for attempted suicide

“Tuesday, September 12 I will be 67 and my loneliness let me think that’s live has not much to give me anymore. Born into a family where trauma, grief and suffering were central, my life has turned into a life accompanied by deep-seated grief and depressions. I was not seen and didn’t feel loved. I learned to work for recognition and love. Failure to work, not being “nice” was punished with being ignored and sometimes even with beatings.

Recognition missing and of course my talent, I studied opera sang and worked on stage. There I could be someone else and got a lot of recognition. A therapist one’s said to me, if I’d hadn’t have the stage, I wouldn’t life anymore. By than I already tried twice to kill myself. I was drinking a lot of alcohol to numb my pain.

After 15 years on stage, I stopped being an actress and worked in the marketing. There I met my Dutch husband and moved to the Netherlands. In 2010 he has had a brain hemorrhage and I nursed him 6,5 years to his dead. Then I had a breakdown. Tried again to kill myself twice and in a therapy, I got back to my creativity. That saved my live.

Today I’m not drinking anymore. I’m still working very hard on painting, what stops my head from spinning. I’m living with waves of depressions. I’m high-sensitive and can’t stand to many people around me. I’m longing for a deep connection, but no family, no kid’s it’s very hard finding.”

Materials – watercolour, fine liner and pencil crayon (25 x 25 cm) (9.84 x 9.84 inches) unframed

Price – £450 ($573US) plus package and posting

Prints available for £30 ($38US) plus package and posting

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Monique Moate 2024

“Hi, my name is Monique and I identify as a disabled person. But despite living with ongoing mental health conditions for well over 20 years (probably beginning in early childhood), I never actually thought of myself as “disabled” until late in 2022. Like most of society, I thought that disabled people were those with physical disabilities, visible disabilities, the ones obvious to other people. Wheelchair users. People with intellectual disability. People missing limbs. Or people who are blind or deaf, etc.

Unfortunately, despite the disabled community’s tireless advocacy, most people still hold these views. “Mental health” will never count for them – you will never be “disabled enough” for them. Others are far more generous, but invisible disability is, well, invisible. They don’t know. (And even if they do, it’s easy for them to forget!) Moreover, shame often hides the physical signs of mental ill-health (…a nice segue).

I took this selfie for my then-fiancé, now-husband. You can’t really see them in this picture, but my left forearm is covered in too many scars to count. Since age 16, I regularly felt that I had to conceal them because mental health conditions – especially the ones I was diagnosed with many moons ago – are stigmatised.

Although I’m not as ashamed of those old scars as before, I’ve recently decided to give them new meaning by transforming that space into a canvas for tattoo art (including lotus flowers, something beautiful growing from harsh conditions). Now I don’t feel I have to hide my arm as much.

Also recently, I completed a disability-focused arts fellowship, and that’s how I learned about neurodiversity. Maybe my long-term mental health conditions stem from or relate to my being autistic, which I’d never once considered. After researching the spectrum, I’ve decided to get assessed by a neurodiversity-affirming therapist.

As I’m new to identifying with disability, and because I can only speak from my experiences, I don’t feel that I’m able to represent “disabled people”. And I wouldn’t want to do that anyway. Hopefully, something I’ve shared will resonate with someone out there.

Lastly, I find value in different models of disability, including the biomedical model, the social model, the neurodiversity paradigm, the identity model, and so on. While we might occasionally criticise aspects of a framework, that doesn’t necessarily mean we can’t also see the necessity of or value in it. Thanks for reading.”

Materials – watercolour and pencil crayon (22.9 x 30.5 cm) (9 x 12 inches) unframed

Price – £481 ($615US) plus package and postage

Prints £30 plus package and postage

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Rebecka 2024

Thank you very kindly to Rebecka for this fabulous collaboration. Here is Rebecka’s story, transcribed and edited by me, but in her own words.

I am a 50+ woman I live in North Sweden, I have lived abroad,Iceland, UK, Oman.

All my life I felt different, when I was a child I didn’t have much friends, I had friends, but I always felt that people were very shallow and I was a big thinker, I worried, thought and analysed a lot, I am a very emotional person, but I hardly get angry.

I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and a lot of depression. I love a simple life with close friends. I like animals. We have a cat and before that we had a bunny. I live with my husband who is from the Middle East and he has given my life a new meaning.

Many times I find I repress my emotions and I feel them in extreme, I was brought up that its ok to show emotions but I always feel a bit ashamed of showing them.

Ive come from working class family, trained as pre school teacher and worked with children with learning disabilities. Then did my second degree which is infomatics and system science and I did a PHD working with children with disabilities and how they use IT and how technology interacts with humans.

I was living in the North whilst doing my phd and was an exchange student in Lancaster UK. I was in a relationship for 15 years which broke up and I tipped into a crisis and had had crises where I have been in need of help. This time it was very severe, I was in hospital both voluntarily and sectioned on and off for 2 years and I couldn’t finish my PHD.

In 2007 I met my husband, and we got married in Oman. And decided to start our life there. We used to live the winters there and the summers in Sweden.

My sister got diagnosed with cancer in 2011 and we decided that we should move home to help her and moved to the North and I continued with my PHD

My health suffered in many ways 2010 to 2013 I couldn’t live without medicine

In 2015 I got sick again, I had ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) which affects you a lot. I had had that treatment before. I know it’s a shameful thing for many people, but for me I don’t like the method, but it has been a life saver. And that has always been a way out for me.

I took my PHD degree in 2017 and now work with people with mental ill health, It’s a challenge due to my aging and all this emotion, it affects me a lot. So Ive decided that its time for me to leave this field which is very emotional because this is what Ive been doing for 30 years.

So at the moment Im free flying like the bird in my portrait or maybe free falling. Im currently on sick leave.

My portrait is from when we were in United Arab Emirates and we visited a place where they had falcons. Falcons are very popular in the Middle East, they are fascinating birds. I think it symbolises us as humans, we are never totally free If you live with mental disabilities. I felt happy at this time and felt honoured that the bird trusted me.

I feel like this toward people I trust. I recently told my employer that I can still visualise the kids I first started working with at special schools from the first time I remember names of them and the joy they brought me in my life and how they gave my life sense and meaning .and to interact and connect with someone just with emotion that’s a really great feeling I cannot explain.

Materials – watercolour and pencil crayon (25 x 25 cm) ( 9.85 x 9.85 inches) unframed

Price £450 ($573US) plus package and postage

Prints £30 ($37US) plus package and postage

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Jordie Sallis, Mental Health Series 2024

Thank you very kindly to Jordie for the fabulous collaboration

Here is Jordie’ story

“My name is Jordan Sallis and I am a passionate artist. I have Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder which has had a profound impact on my life and artwork. I feel emotions intensely and they can change in an instant, sometimes changing back and forth several times in a day. Physical and painful symptoms often come from experiencing deep negative emotions.

I’ve always experienced emotions deeply for as long as I can remember. I knew I experienced things differently to others, I thought maybe I was just a sensitive kid and so did my mother. It wasn’t until I got older and my emotions became more physically present, that I knew something seemed imbalanced. I wasn’t experiencing the same life that everyone else was. Why wasn’t anyone else feeling as intense as me?

Anxiety feels like there’s a hollow, cold, cave in the pit of your empty stomach.

Rejection feels like someone has punched the air out of your chest and you can’t get your breath back.

Betrayal feels like being stabbed in the back and having acidic lemon juice being poured into the cut.

But it also means I can feel positive feelings with the same amount of intensity.

When I am in love, I pour every part of my soul and being into the relationship.

When I’m in nature, I’m in such awe it feels like just myself and the world exist.

When I think passionately about ideas, I feel euphoric, like I can do and be anything.

Living with the unpredictability of powerful, changing emotions can be challenging and as a result, I have a collection of scars, some of them emotional and some of them physical. I am not ashamed of my struggles and scars as I overcome each one.

I am at the mercy of my strong emotions whether I like it or not and it is both a blessing and curse. As a sensitive person with intense emotions, it enables me to create passionate artwork.

Creating art to visualise my feelings is cathartic and a form of release.”

Materials – Watercolour, (30.5 x 40.6 cm) (12 x 16 ins) unframed

Price – £639 + P n P ($814(US) + P n P)

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Solene Anglaret Mental Health series 2024 (inspired by reference photo by Deborah Rowland)

Thank you very kindly to Solene and Deborah for this collaboration

Here is Solene’s Story in her own words

Hi, I’m Solène – Founder of Be Beyond Borders, speaker, writer, facilitator and consultant.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt different. I knew I didn’t belong.

As a child, I was labelled “too much”. I experienced raging emotions that I didn’t know what to do with. Often dismissed, I turned to food for comfort. A vicious cycle of bullying and binge eating began.

At 10, I decided that if I couldn’t be accepted for who I was, I needed to change. Belonging was more important to me than being myself. Over the next two decades, I developed multiple faux-selves and masks.

Until… a few years ago, when I found myself lost and stuck. I began a journey of self-discovery and learned new things about myself, like the fact that I’m a hypersensitive empath. Yet, something deep within remained a terrifying question mark.

In 2021, I hit rock bottom. After seeking help, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). What a relief! Now that I knew, I could do something about it. I started Dialectic Behavioural Therapy (DBT) along with a fitness and nutrition programme, a deep dive into countless resources, and found a wonderful community in The BPD Bunch. I’m now considered in functional recovery.

BPD can look and mean different things to different people. For me, it takes the form of self-invalidation and self-hatred. It’s a feeling of emptiness and an immense fear of abandonment. It’s also a rollercoaster of emotions, going from happy, to angry, to sad, within seconds and struggling to navigate or regulate. When I was in crisis, it often turned into self-destructive behaviours such as binge eating, violent panic attacks, and suicidal ideation. It felt like myself was trying to destroy itself.

Along the way, I was also diagnosed with ADHD. The journey of self-discovery continues. I suppose we’re all constantly discovering and becoming… perhaps who we’ve always been.

I’ve come to embrace the fact that my neurodiversity comes with a flip side too: empathy, loyalty, and a boiling creativity. Turns out it’s been fuelling my travels, writing, and art all along.

In the end, BPD is one of the many pieces that form the puzzle of my identity. I have BPD, I’m not BPD. I’m just perfectly imperfectly me with a new motto in tow: Be You. Belong.”

Ben Palmer – 2024

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE IDEATION

Thank you very kindly to Ben for this collaboration and his fantastic poem. This is a poem that Ben wrote 6 months ago, when he had severe depression and was coming to terms with a late diagnosis of autism. We both think its important to share to show that these feelings are unfortunately common in people with mental ill health and we would be more used to them and able to support if they were more talked about in society.

Here is Ben’s Poem –

“Half my Lie(f”
I’ve been living this lie half my life,
I never fit in with anyone else.
I’m lonely…
I tried so hard to understand,
Why was life just so hard?
I failed…
There never seemed to be a time,
When things were going fine.
It’s painful…
And now I’m at the point I know,
Why these things were ‘just so’.
It’s crazy…
I’ve finally started to know myself,
But no one seems to like me now.
It hurts so bad…
So, if I had to say to you,
What you should say or do.
I’d lie to you…
I’d tell you to suppress yourself,
Try to fit in with everyone else.
Ignore the voice inside your head,
That screams so loud in your bed.
You won’t ever have the answer,
So don’t try to be that person.
Just go with the flow of everyone else,
Shut off your mind with drink and drugs.
You might want to take your life,
You’ll never find a way to satisfy.
The questions and answers don’t add up,
So shut yourself up and hide.
Away from your torturous mind,
And dive headfirst into the past.
Seeing the path that once seemed hopeful,
But committed you to a life of woeful…
Echoes of pain, judgement and doom,
Crying on the pillow inside your room.
If I could change, I would.
If I could live, I should.
If these words seem bad.
My mind and heart are broken and sad.

Materials – Watercolour and pencil crayon size (22.9 x 30.5 cm) unframed

Price – £481 + P n P ($615US + P n P)
Prints – £30 + P n P
DM to purchase